OK, update, I know it's been a minute but once again I am trying to make myself blog more often.
So: the dress is bought-shockingly enough. It's beautiful and amazing and I am totally in love with it. I hesitate to put a link to a picture because the designer's website really doesn't do it justice. And I'd rather not post a picture of me in it because a certain blonde haired groom to be might see it and I can't have that.
My current stressors are now two fold:
1. Deciding where to get married is a bigger headache than I ever imagined.
2. Ken is suddenly going to Mississippi for 6 weeks starting this coming weekend.
Ken leaving means I get to make the "place" decision, essentially by myself on top of dealing with all household responsibilities on my own. Yes it will suck and I'll miss him very much but it could be much much worse. I hate to even say this but it makes me wonder if this is a bad omen for the coming year- as if he will get deployed or something terrible in March. God, I hope not.
As far as deciding where to get married..ugh where do I even begin?? I'm starting to hate all those bitches with wedding blogs who are all "As soon as we got there I knew this was where we would get married, it was perfect blah blah blah blah.." Where's my moment?? Why aren't angels singing and the clouds parting for me?? UGH! It feels like there is at least one major problem with every site we've looked at, it could be money, or how convienent it is, or how we could work the ceremony. I wish Ken wanted to elope, I wish this was easier, I wish he wasn't going away. It could be worse, it could be worse...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A Question of Motivation and Family
I didn't go to the gym last night. There I'm admitting it. Instead, I was lazy and sat on the couch all night, drank Red Cat and chatted online. I know this is no way for a human to exist.
I thought once I was engaged I'd be super motviated. Motivated to go to the gym regularly, motivated to do things around the house, motivated motivated motivated. How typical to think that one thing will change your life. Even though getting enaged is a big moment in life it hasn't had the impact I so firmly believed it would. Not that I'm not happy or eager to plan but it hasn't turned my life around in the ways I thought it would. I still don't want to make that dentist appointment, when I have a rough day at work I still don't want to go to the gym. How to turn this all around??? I've been wanting to make motivational posters for myself and post them all around the house. I should really buckle down and do that tonight, maybe it will help me out a little bit. Like I finally did something productive.
I think getting enagegd has stressed me out more than I ever imagined. This past weekend at Ken's mom's wedding they kept telling me "You're next dear, you're next!" I wanted to throw up. Then there are certain things Ken and I discuss that make me think I'm not mature enough to get married. For instance: Ken said to me, "So you excited to spend every other Thanksgiving with your family?" I responded with, "Why do we have to do every holiday together? Especially Thanksgiving, which is one of my favorites to spend at home."
"Uh because we'll be MARRIED." He said.
I really don't think it's nessecary to spend every holiday together. We don't have kids, and won't have them for quite a while. I wouldn't have a problem staying home together for Christmas, which is more of a major holiday than Thanksgiving. Is this selfish? Am I immature? Will I really be considered family with all these new people? They've all been divorced so many times it kind of feels like I'm on probation and then maybe after a few years of being married I'll come off probation and then really be considered family.
As a side note, I really don't like this new yogurt Ken bought me, it's super sweet tasting. Ick.
I thought once I was engaged I'd be super motviated. Motivated to go to the gym regularly, motivated to do things around the house, motivated motivated motivated. How typical to think that one thing will change your life. Even though getting enaged is a big moment in life it hasn't had the impact I so firmly believed it would. Not that I'm not happy or eager to plan but it hasn't turned my life around in the ways I thought it would. I still don't want to make that dentist appointment, when I have a rough day at work I still don't want to go to the gym. How to turn this all around??? I've been wanting to make motivational posters for myself and post them all around the house. I should really buckle down and do that tonight, maybe it will help me out a little bit. Like I finally did something productive.
I think getting enagegd has stressed me out more than I ever imagined. This past weekend at Ken's mom's wedding they kept telling me "You're next dear, you're next!" I wanted to throw up. Then there are certain things Ken and I discuss that make me think I'm not mature enough to get married. For instance: Ken said to me, "So you excited to spend every other Thanksgiving with your family?" I responded with, "Why do we have to do every holiday together? Especially Thanksgiving, which is one of my favorites to spend at home."
"Uh because we'll be MARRIED." He said.
I really don't think it's nessecary to spend every holiday together. We don't have kids, and won't have them for quite a while. I wouldn't have a problem staying home together for Christmas, which is more of a major holiday than Thanksgiving. Is this selfish? Am I immature? Will I really be considered family with all these new people? They've all been divorced so many times it kind of feels like I'm on probation and then maybe after a few years of being married I'll come off probation and then really be considered family.
As a side note, I really don't like this new yogurt Ken bought me, it's super sweet tasting. Ick.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I'm a Bad Person...
But, I'm OK with that. I just can't help myself sometimes. Below, please enjoy an IM convo I am having with ex-boyfriend Jeremy and totally bait him the entire time to ask about my engagement. Eventually, I break and bring it up myself, awesomness ensues.
naughtonshvc: so how was the big move?
jerbond0127: Shitty
jerbond0127: I'm about 90% done
classic Jeremy line... every job done in percents...
naughtonshvc: did you do it yourself?
jerbond0127: Arnstein and our friend Bryan helped out
naughtonshvc : thats a plus
I so don't care anymore, ask about me.
jerbond0127 :yeah definitely. We rented a 14' uhaul yesterday and moved all of my biggest shit
Long Pause. Shit, this can't end here, must ask more pointless questions...
naughtonshvc : you liking the new place so far?
jerbond0127 : Yeah definitely.
jerbond0127 : Much better entertainment system. We have a yard. More space. etc
naughtonshvc : thats nice
On to my life...anytime now...
naughtonshvc : how many people do you live with now?
jerbond0127 : Me and 2 others
naughtonshvc :think you'll all be bff?
This is killing me slowly....
jerbond0127 : hopefully
jerbond0127 : that'd be nice. who knows
naughtonshvc : do you have a new job yet?
jerbond0127 : Nope. Thats my next step, as soon as I'm finished with this move.
naughtonshvc : i might be looking for a new job shortly, my office might be moving out to bum
jerbond0127 :out to bum?
naughtonshvc :bum fuck
jerbond0127 : bumble fuck
jerbond0127 : gotch'ya
naughtonshvc : yeah and my happy ass isnt driving 40 mins to work with gas being 4 freaking bucks a gallon
Here comes the transition to me! Feel it Jeremy! Feeeeeeel it!
jerbond0127 : yeah jeesus christ...I was around my place for about a week, not driving all that much, then when I finally had to fill up...bam! 4.25...WTF
naughtonshvc : yeah its terrible
Shit.
jerbond0127 : 65 bucks for me
Double shit.
naughtonshvc :holy shiz
jerbond0127 : yeah.
jerbond0127 : My Pathfinder for ya
naughtonshvc : its like 40 something for me
I can't take this anymore. I'm going for it....
naughtonshvc : its amazing how many random people i have heard from since ive been engaged
jerbond0127 : ha. Like who?
naughtonshvc : well believe it or not i havent talked to tamar liz and leah in a year plus and they all called me
Only half true, close enough...
naughtonshvc : dave shawl im'd me last night
naughtonshvc : a couple people i had classes with have im'd me or facebook messaged me
Lies.
jerbond0127 : Funny how that happens huh
naughtonshvc : everyone wants an invite to the biggest part of 2009
naughtonshvc : *party
jerbond0127 :oh shit...
naughtonshvc : you probably want one too
OK, that was a little too obvious
jerbond0127 : its gonna be a whos who I'm sure
naughtonshvc : i hope you're not being sarcastic
naughtonshvc : because it really will be
jerbond0127 : I think you want me to want one
naughtonshvc : i think i dont care
I think this is hilarious.
jerbond0127 : It'd be weird I think
naughtonshvc: hahaha thats putting it lightly
I am practically rolling on the floor with laughter imagining Jeremy at my wedding
jerbond0127 : I thought you said you didn't care if I was there
naughtonshvc : no i meant i didnt care if you wanted to come or not
jerbond0127 :oh I see.
naughtonshvc : you feel weird about it in general tho i think
And sadly that's where it ends! Ah Jeremy, I guess sometimes you do know better. I guess if he wasn't such a shitty boyfriend I might not feel the need to do this anymore, but every once in a while I just can't resist.
naughtonshvc: so how was the big move?
jerbond0127: Shitty
jerbond0127: I'm about 90% done
classic Jeremy line... every job done in percents...
naughtonshvc: did you do it yourself?
jerbond0127: Arnstein and our friend Bryan helped out
naughtonshvc : thats a plus
I so don't care anymore, ask about me.
jerbond0127 :yeah definitely. We rented a 14' uhaul yesterday and moved all of my biggest shit
Long Pause. Shit, this can't end here, must ask more pointless questions...
naughtonshvc : you liking the new place so far?
jerbond0127 : Yeah definitely.
jerbond0127 : Much better entertainment system. We have a yard. More space. etc
naughtonshvc : thats nice
On to my life...anytime now...
naughtonshvc : how many people do you live with now?
jerbond0127 : Me and 2 others
naughtonshvc :think you'll all be bff?
This is killing me slowly....
jerbond0127 : hopefully
jerbond0127 : that'd be nice. who knows
naughtonshvc : do you have a new job yet?
jerbond0127 : Nope. Thats my next step, as soon as I'm finished with this move.
naughtonshvc : i might be looking for a new job shortly, my office might be moving out to bum
jerbond0127 :out to bum?
naughtonshvc :bum fuck
jerbond0127 : bumble fuck
jerbond0127 : gotch'ya
naughtonshvc : yeah and my happy ass isnt driving 40 mins to work with gas being 4 freaking bucks a gallon
Here comes the transition to me! Feel it Jeremy! Feeeeeeel it!
jerbond0127 : yeah jeesus christ...I was around my place for about a week, not driving all that much, then when I finally had to fill up...bam! 4.25...WTF
naughtonshvc : yeah its terrible
Shit.
jerbond0127 : 65 bucks for me
Double shit.
naughtonshvc :holy shiz
jerbond0127 : yeah.
jerbond0127 : My Pathfinder for ya
naughtonshvc : its like 40 something for me
I can't take this anymore. I'm going for it....
naughtonshvc : its amazing how many random people i have heard from since ive been engaged
jerbond0127 : ha. Like who?
naughtonshvc : well believe it or not i havent talked to tamar liz and leah in a year plus and they all called me
Only half true, close enough...
naughtonshvc : dave shawl im'd me last night
naughtonshvc : a couple people i had classes with have im'd me or facebook messaged me
Lies.
jerbond0127 : Funny how that happens huh
naughtonshvc : everyone wants an invite to the biggest part of 2009
naughtonshvc : *party
jerbond0127 :oh shit...
naughtonshvc : you probably want one too
OK, that was a little too obvious
jerbond0127 : its gonna be a whos who I'm sure
naughtonshvc : i hope you're not being sarcastic
naughtonshvc : because it really will be
jerbond0127 : I think you want me to want one
naughtonshvc : i think i dont care
I think this is hilarious.
jerbond0127 : It'd be weird I think
naughtonshvc: hahaha thats putting it lightly
I am practically rolling on the floor with laughter imagining Jeremy at my wedding
jerbond0127 : I thought you said you didn't care if I was there
naughtonshvc : no i meant i didnt care if you wanted to come or not
jerbond0127 :oh I see.
naughtonshvc : you feel weird about it in general tho i think
And sadly that's where it ends! Ah Jeremy, I guess sometimes you do know better. I guess if he wasn't such a shitty boyfriend I might not feel the need to do this anymore, but every once in a while I just can't resist.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Troubles
So things bewteen my fiance nd I are not at an all time high right now. It's kind of a long story and I don't want to get into all the nitty gritty right now but essentially he's out of town and I'm pissed about it. He pulled one of those "You can come if you want." Which equals "Please don't come with me." So, I guess I'm just hurt and I feel left in the dark a little bit. Yesterday he was being all nice to me via phone and it just pissed me off more. Then last night I got just enough alcohol in me to start texting him my real thoughts (yeah smart) so basically I kind of doubt I'm going to hear from him today. Besides the fact that he has a lot of family stuff going on today I kind of doubt he's going to make time to try to contact his pissy fiance/girlfriend/evil bitch. He comes back late late tomorrow and I just don't know. Usually by this point in our fights I'm feeling badly and so I find some gift or something to get him to say sorry. But this time I'm just not feeling it. I'm sure I'll be glad to see him and all of that so I think I just need to wait for him to be home and be happy about it and try not to worry in the meantime.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Yes it's True...
I am engaged, or we are engaged. And yes it rocks. Right now the only bad part is my ring is getting resized and I won't have it for at least a week. I can't wait till we can plan more. It's so exciting!
Monday, May 19, 2008
2 Things That Makes My Life Great..and the weekend...
Another thing that makes my life great: New Jersey. Especially defeding it to the haters (and there are many of them.) I couldn't begin to count how many people have said to my face "Jersey is dirty." Where I live is far from dirty-there's a least a quater of an acre behind my parents house, with a natural creek flowing through it, and my father's pond complete with frogs. Yeah, what a disgusting state. And to be fair I know that Newark and Elizabeth are gross cities but thtat is North Jersey and I proudly hail from South Jersey. The land of pine barrens and Philadelphia, Cape May, Ocean City, and I can proudly say that even Atlantic City is cleaning up its act. So in closing let me say that South Jersey is beautiful and even though I don't live there anymore every time I go back I know I am home.
Yet another thing that makes my life great:
Childhood memories (which slightly ties in with the above comments) I got a serious flashback this weekend when Ken and I were planting tomatoes in our front yard: my parents' vegetable garden. They had a pretty legit garden going on for a couple years. I remember how fun it was to run out there and get tomatoes or green beans for my mom. And in the spring my friends and I would walk through the narrow rows and look for tiny tomatoes and peppers. I couldn't possibly list all the memories I have here but I have very few bad ones and I know this makes me very lucky.
Anyway, on to my weekend-if you can even call it that. Ken father and his wife Donna stayed with us for two nights and let's just say it was taxing. They had out bedroom, the weather wasn't great, and in general it was just hard to gauge if they were having a good time, whichmakes me feel uncomfortable/bad. Plus I think they were preoccupied with thinking about their son and his hard partying college ways. I think he'll get his shit together in about 5 years but it will be an interesting five years. I am very glad life is back to normal. I also can't wait for the long weekend, I think Ken and I are going to Lake Anna. YAY fun! Work was blissfully slow today and hopefully will remain that way this week and we will have a BBQ on Friday. Good week! (I hope) And no I'm not at the gym today...in my defense I am exhausted but I did really well last week and had a nice long walk yesterday. Back at it tomorrow and hopefully I'll actualy get 8+ hours of sleep tonight. Fingers crossed!
Yet another thing that makes my life great:
Childhood memories (which slightly ties in with the above comments) I got a serious flashback this weekend when Ken and I were planting tomatoes in our front yard: my parents' vegetable garden. They had a pretty legit garden going on for a couple years. I remember how fun it was to run out there and get tomatoes or green beans for my mom. And in the spring my friends and I would walk through the narrow rows and look for tiny tomatoes and peppers. I couldn't possibly list all the memories I have here but I have very few bad ones and I know this makes me very lucky.
Anyway, on to my weekend-if you can even call it that. Ken father and his wife Donna stayed with us for two nights and let's just say it was taxing. They had out bedroom, the weather wasn't great, and in general it was just hard to gauge if they were having a good time, whichmakes me feel uncomfortable/bad. Plus I think they were preoccupied with thinking about their son and his hard partying college ways. I think he'll get his shit together in about 5 years but it will be an interesting five years. I am very glad life is back to normal. I also can't wait for the long weekend, I think Ken and I are going to Lake Anna. YAY fun! Work was blissfully slow today and hopefully will remain that way this week and we will have a BBQ on Friday. Good week! (I hope) And no I'm not at the gym today...in my defense I am exhausted but I did really well last week and had a nice long walk yesterday. Back at it tomorrow and hopefully I'll actualy get 8+ hours of sleep tonight. Fingers crossed!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A List
After an exceedingly tough day at work I have decided to start a list of 10 things that make my life great. I probably won't finish it in this post, but it's worth starting. **Disclaimer: This is in no particular order.
The kitties (especially Nina, yes I play favorites) I must admit that it is wonderful to come home and see Nina's cute kitty face and hear her meow at me. She is definitely the cutest and I really enjoy having her to take care of. It's amazing how much she has grown since we got her.
My family- including the extendeds. Whenever Ken and I talk about family I realize how insanely lucky I am. Not that his family is bad or anything but realize how lucky I am that I have or had a relationship with all my cousins, even if it just meant playing together when we were kids. And I'm glad that I get along really well with all of my aunts and uncles. As a special bonus they're all really interesting people and I think I'm a favorite, ha!
The kitties (especially Nina, yes I play favorites) I must admit that it is wonderful to come home and see Nina's cute kitty face and hear her meow at me. She is definitely the cutest and I really enjoy having her to take care of. It's amazing how much she has grown since we got her.
My family- including the extendeds. Whenever Ken and I talk about family I realize how insanely lucky I am. Not that his family is bad or anything but realize how lucky I am that I have or had a relationship with all my cousins, even if it just meant playing together when we were kids. And I'm glad that I get along really well with all of my aunts and uncles. As a special bonus they're all really interesting people and I think I'm a favorite, ha!
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