Dear Self,

Something must be done. It's worse than we thought without Ken. HOWEVER, this going out every night and not working out and not eating right cannot continue. We all know we've gained weight, there's no question about that. Think about how sad you will be when you get measured for your wedding dress and you will have gone up a size. We all know the gym is benefical in many ways. 1. Less stress 2. Lose weight 3. Be tougher Good enough for me! Plus: stop eating bullshit. Really. Really, really.

Godddd I am so fed up with myself. I need to get over this whole Ken being gone thing. We're solidly into week two and I still find myself getting weepy. And I'm getting fat, it's disgusting. Once this new job starts I can't drink a bottle of wine to fall asleep when I feel sad, I have to be on my A game. I feel like I am poisoning myself and it HAS TO STOP. Maybe getting fat is the wake up I needed. I do miss Ken but I don't want him to come home to a fat fiance. What a let down that would be huh?