Death and Iraq

I don't know if I've mentioned this in any of my past posts but my cousin Greg (who is two weeks my senior) is an officer in the Marines and is in Iraq. Luckily he is not in a very dangerous area and his deployment is pretty short-about 9 months. However, his commanding officer was killed in Fallujah a few weeks ago. It's very sad for him because this was his mentor. According to his mom he doesn't want to talk about it yet. It's hard to describe what I feel for him right now. It's like a combination of my heart being torn out and just not knowing what to say, being numb.

For me it's gradually hitting closer to home. First-Greg joined the Marines, knowing full well he was going to Iraq. Second- He actually went. Third- His mentor dies and now my aunt is going to the funeral for Greg since he can't attend and she is staying over night with me.

Just last Friday Ken was talking about a 6 month job in Baghdad he is considering taking. He asked me if I would "let" him go. I told him if he really thought it could benefit his career then I guess I would be OK with it. I'd rather at least know where he is then have him be deployed and have no idea where he is. And the big plus is it's only 6 months- not these 12 month 15 month deployments. However, since it's so short it makes me wonder if the job is really difficult or time consuming or something. Ken then asked me if it would be worse if this job meant he would miss my birthday and Christmas and I told him to just come back. He just has to come back.

Nothing is set in stone, thank God, and he may not even go. But, this situation is the epitome of what bothers me about the military- lots of talk and random action. I know there's no need to get upset until it actually happens and for me that's big. I like to know everything in advance... way in advance. But with the military it's just a lot of talking and a lot of waiting. So I guess I will wait and see what happens.