10 days. 10 simple days. I can't believe I've come so far, and yet it feels like this should all be over and we should be cuddling before going to the gym. *sigh*
Work is the same in a lot of ways. I still feel like the awkward new kid, bt I am remembering more which builds a little confidence. I am still exhausted after work which is not helping my going to the gym. Another wrench in that whole thing: I came home from a nice Labor Day weekend to find that Keira had pissed and shitted all over the second bedroom. I am still fighting off the stench of cat piss which makes me NONE too happy and eats up my time. Ken needs to find her a new home--soon or she's going to a no kill shelter. I'm serious this time.
On a happier note we FINALLY FINALLY have a wedding date and place. I'm excited!! I feel bad that Ken didn't get to see it yet but I sent him pictures and he'll see it for real soon enough. So mark your calendars August 15, 2009.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
The New Kid
I've had my first three days at my new job. It's OK, it's very different from HV (obviously). It's funny how you miss your silly little routines. I miss bringing my coffee every morning, I miss not needing help at work, or asking a million questions. I'm glad that the new admin assistant starts on Monday so some of the focus will be off me. I guess I'm just feeling a little down, it's depressing to come home and not have anyone to vent to, especially after being in a place where you don't have any friends. Ken is at the half-way point with the Mississippi trip but it feels like he will never come home. I feel like I've reached a new state of lonliness.
Monday, August 18, 2008
WOW!
I feel like time has truly flown. I looked at my calendar today and realized there are only 25 days left of this 6 week camp. I can't wait for him to be home, it's so exciting.
In two days I start my new job. Wow, it feels really good to say that. I'm definitely nervous but I know it will all work itself out. I'm kind of excited to get back into a "real" office environment.
This weekend I think I FINALLY found our wedding site. It's in NJ, near the shore and it's beautiful. I'm going to have a sit down with them in 2 weeks to talk about prices and if all goes well I'm going to write the check. Luckily they don't require much to hold the date which is awesome.
I feel like everything is finally starting to fall in place.
In two days I start my new job. Wow, it feels really good to say that. I'm definitely nervous but I know it will all work itself out. I'm kind of excited to get back into a "real" office environment.
This weekend I think I FINALLY found our wedding site. It's in NJ, near the shore and it's beautiful. I'm going to have a sit down with them in 2 weeks to talk about prices and if all goes well I'm going to write the check. Luckily they don't require much to hold the date which is awesome.
I feel like everything is finally starting to fall in place.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Dear Self,
Something must be done. It's worse than we thought without Ken. HOWEVER, this going out every night and not working out and not eating right cannot continue. We all know we've gained weight, there's no question about that. Think about how sad you will be when you get measured for your wedding dress and you will have gone up a size. We all know the gym is benefical in many ways. 1. Less stress 2. Lose weight 3. Be tougher Good enough for me! Plus: stop eating bullshit. Really. Really, really.
Godddd I am so fed up with myself. I need to get over this whole Ken being gone thing. We're solidly into week two and I still find myself getting weepy. And I'm getting fat, it's disgusting. Once this new job starts I can't drink a bottle of wine to fall asleep when I feel sad, I have to be on my A game. I feel like I am poisoning myself and it HAS TO STOP. Maybe getting fat is the wake up I needed. I do miss Ken but I don't want him to come home to a fat fiance. What a let down that would be huh?
Godddd I am so fed up with myself. I need to get over this whole Ken being gone thing. We're solidly into week two and I still find myself getting weepy. And I'm getting fat, it's disgusting. Once this new job starts I can't drink a bottle of wine to fall asleep when I feel sad, I have to be on my A game. I feel like I am poisoning myself and it HAS TO STOP. Maybe getting fat is the wake up I needed. I do miss Ken but I don't want him to come home to a fat fiance. What a let down that would be huh?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Popularity Contest
I have always had a very intense paranoia that people don't like me. I had kind of gotten over it in the past few years but since being at HV I'm pretty sure 90% of the people here hate me. I think most of it is all of our jobs suck so no one is going to be all peaches and cream all the time, it's pretty much impossible. However, since news of my leaving came out no one has said "Oh we should have happy hour." or whatever. I guess on some level it was kind of expected someone would jump ship since they're moving way the fuck out there but still it would be nice to think I will be missed.
I am also convinced we are hated by most of our neighbors. First of all I think I am the youngest adult living in that community, which is awkward. Second, there are so many rules we were never aware of and I swear if we were we would NOT be living there. And everyone just seems so picky, like Ken parked in our shitty parking spot really crooked (ONCE!) and the lady who parks next to us felt the need to say something to him. And to the guy across the way from us: I have never been anything but NICE to your kids but every time you see me I get the most awkward look from you. What gives??? Plus the whole tomato plant controversy has us on the HOA pres. shit list. UGH. I like our townhouse but I kind of miss living in a big building where you didn't have to see anyone or deal with ridiculous rules.
I'm also missing Ken really badly this afternoon, god only knows why. It felt really good to talk to Britt last night since her man is away too. It made me not feel so alone.
I am also convinced we are hated by most of our neighbors. First of all I think I am the youngest adult living in that community, which is awkward. Second, there are so many rules we were never aware of and I swear if we were we would NOT be living there. And everyone just seems so picky, like Ken parked in our shitty parking spot really crooked (ONCE!) and the lady who parks next to us felt the need to say something to him. And to the guy across the way from us: I have never been anything but NICE to your kids but every time you see me I get the most awkward look from you. What gives??? Plus the whole tomato plant controversy has us on the HOA pres. shit list. UGH. I like our townhouse but I kind of miss living in a big building where you didn't have to see anyone or deal with ridiculous rules.
I'm also missing Ken really badly this afternoon, god only knows why. It felt really good to talk to Britt last night since her man is away too. It made me not feel so alone.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Sad Moments
So my Sunday was pretty good. All alone time, but I kept pretty busy doing errands and chores and what not. But tonight I had my first "fight" with Ken and the longest phone coversation I think we've had in the history of our relationship (he's not a phone person, understandable) so it was kind of an emotional rollercoaster type of night. First, I got very frustrated with the search for a wedding venue. The two we were down to didn't impress me overall. Imean they're nce but really they're just OK-each has a major downside. One is more expensive and has a bunch of rnadom fees to consider. The other has the right price but is in the middle of no where. And really I don't know how good my dress will look at either one. So I just got kind of fed up and I told Ken about it and he really just irritated me more. So we were short with each other and it ended on a cold note and I was sad but still so fired up that I wasn't about to apologize first.
So I called my mom and told her the sitch. and we've decided to visit a place in NJ this coming weekend and I'm very excited. I feel that I just need to see something else. Either this trip will confuse me more or it will make me realize how good I have it or that this was the place I was waiting for. This is such a bigger headache than I ever imagined and I have a feeling that it will only get harder from here on out.
So I called my mom and told her the sitch. and we've decided to visit a place in NJ this coming weekend and I'm very excited. I feel that I just need to see something else. Either this trip will confuse me more or it will make me realize how good I have it or that this was the place I was waiting for. This is such a bigger headache than I ever imagined and I have a feeling that it will only get harder from here on out.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I want a burrito
even though I ate a ton tonight. My pride is growing, I am insanely proud of myself after the Saturday I just had. I got up around 10:30 laid about for a while then did my laundry, cleaned the firdge (it was bad) did a quick errand then went to Shannon's mom's house had some bbq and drinks, watched the Olympics (i love them!) and got him around midnight and I am totally comfortable! Tomorrow may involve more alone time, but I know it will invovle more talking with Ken which is great. This morning he really opened up to me and told me that when he got back to his room the other night he felt the lonliness. All he wanted was to be cuddled up next to me. And yes it made me a little sad when he said that but it's really what I needed to hear.
Nerves about the new job continue to grow daily. I really hope it all goes smoothly. Since they gave me such a great offer it makes me worry that I'm not qualified. I've definitely got rust to shake off which worries me, what with going back into the real office world again. Despite all that the two things I am most excited for are: possibly having a blackberry (!!!!) and having awesome places to go to lunch (potbelly!!!!!!) maybe that's silly but at least it keeps me distracted.
Nerves about the new job continue to grow daily. I really hope it all goes smoothly. Since they gave me such a great offer it makes me worry that I'm not qualified. I've definitely got rust to shake off which worries me, what with going back into the real office world again. Despite all that the two things I am most excited for are: possibly having a blackberry (!!!!) and having awesome places to go to lunch (potbelly!!!!!!) maybe that's silly but at least it keeps me distracted.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Pride and Panic
So the first week is just about up and I must say I'm feeling pretty proud of myself at this point. Sunday and Monday were definitely rough but now time isn't feeling so slow. I'm genuinely looking forward to my weekend which will be a good mix of alone/not alone time. I'm also motivated to get back into my gym routine since most of this week involved alcohol and bad food. I haven't encountered any "gremlins" yet and actully was really glad to get a nice note from our landlords about the whole tomato plant controversy. The important thing is we're down to 35 days which sounds so much better than 40.
However, despite all of these good things I texted Ken last night and told him I really want to move our wedding up. I don't want to wait till next August. I think (re:know) it all stems from this little 6 week thing. Now I'm totally gun shy on what's going to happen for the rest of the year. What if he has to go to some other school? What if he gets deployed? I don't want to give the AF a solid year to pull some bullshit on us. On top of all that I have gotten ENDLESS complaints about having our wedding in August (btw I can't wait till all the complainers get married so I can bitch and moan to their face about their wedding). He hasn't responded yet which doesn't shock me. I have half-heartedly tried to get him to change the date in the past but he hasn't gone for it. This time I really mean it and I want him to seriously consider it.
On a lighter note I wish work would hurry up and be done with. I'm excited to have a weekend followed by my last full week at HV!! YES!!! It doesn't feel real yet but the new job confirmed that they got my signed offer letter so it's getting closer to being reality. Weeeee!
However, despite all of these good things I texted Ken last night and told him I really want to move our wedding up. I don't want to wait till next August. I think (re:know) it all stems from this little 6 week thing. Now I'm totally gun shy on what's going to happen for the rest of the year. What if he has to go to some other school? What if he gets deployed? I don't want to give the AF a solid year to pull some bullshit on us. On top of all that I have gotten ENDLESS complaints about having our wedding in August (btw I can't wait till all the complainers get married so I can bitch and moan to their face about their wedding). He hasn't responded yet which doesn't shock me. I have half-heartedly tried to get him to change the date in the past but he hasn't gone for it. This time I really mean it and I want him to seriously consider it.
On a lighter note I wish work would hurry up and be done with. I'm excited to have a weekend followed by my last full week at HV!! YES!!! It doesn't feel real yet but the new job confirmed that they got my signed offer letter so it's getting closer to being reality. Weeeee!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I don't want rehab...
So reading blogs has become my newest addiction. I haven't been brave enough to comment or anything but in some creepy way i feel like I know some of these women really well. My blog obsession is two fold: 1. wedding blogs, we have a love/hate relationship, more on that in a minute. 2. Military spouse blogs. I'll be honest, with Ken suddenly being gone for 6 weeks I kind of didn't know what to do with myself. Granted, he's not in any danger I don't have to be worried about him fighting a war (thank God). But at the same token it's not like he's just on vacation or something. I'm amazed at how strong the women are out there, especially the Navy ones. I'd have totally lost it by now if Ken had to deal with that whole IA BS, ugh ugh ugh. But essentially these blogs make me feel like I'm not so alone.
Wedding blogs: I can't believe some people have so much "style" so to speak. Maybe mine will come to me once I get deeper into planning this thing but I feel so all over the place. I have kind of abandoned any set color palette since the 'maids are going to wear black and i want them to all have different colored shoes. (black shoes/black dress is too funeral for me) I just think that will look soooo glam, I can see the pictures in my mind and they look awesome. I have a feeling this "all over the place" feel will not go away and my colors will just be whatever. I mean, I don't want people to walk into a sea of purple once we get into the reception area. Some sort of consistency would be nice but I just don't know what that might be yet. I'm so jealous of the brides out there who have inspiration boards all in their colors and are so super crafty and all DIY-ing their whole wedding. I thought I could make my own invitations but since I won't be working here anymore in less than two week (hooray!!!) it will be a bigger headache than I want to deal with. We've still got a long way to go, I guess first I need to focus on putting a deposit down on a venue. Yeah, that's kind of important.
Wedding blogs: I can't believe some people have so much "style" so to speak. Maybe mine will come to me once I get deeper into planning this thing but I feel so all over the place. I have kind of abandoned any set color palette since the 'maids are going to wear black and i want them to all have different colored shoes. (black shoes/black dress is too funeral for me) I just think that will look soooo glam, I can see the pictures in my mind and they look awesome. I have a feeling this "all over the place" feel will not go away and my colors will just be whatever. I mean, I don't want people to walk into a sea of purple once we get into the reception area. Some sort of consistency would be nice but I just don't know what that might be yet. I'm so jealous of the brides out there who have inspiration boards all in their colors and are so super crafty and all DIY-ing their whole wedding. I thought I could make my own invitations but since I won't be working here anymore in less than two week (hooray!!!) it will be a bigger headache than I want to deal with. We've still got a long way to go, I guess first I need to focus on putting a deposit down on a venue. Yeah, that's kind of important.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Day 1 is almost over
And it wasn't terrible. I had a few moments of feeling lonely and sad but I'm OK for now. The big melt down came when I was outside getting some basil for pesto an the HOA president just happen to walk by and he was a huge ass about our tomato plants. I wanted to fucking scream but instead I bawled my eyes out. Luckily my nice neighbor was outside for this show and I think she felt bad for me and we talked for a minute.
I read a bunch of military wives blogs today and I'll admit I feel a little spoiled. My husband isn't gone for 15 months at a shot and hell even if he was he'd probably be in an office building somehwere instead of kicking in doors. I don't have kids to worry about and raise on my own. I read one woman's bog and one of her kids is lashing out becuse he doesn't understand why his dad has to go away so often. I bet any of these women would trade places with me. The first one is always the hardest I guess and this first week will be rough. This week will be the hardest because it's right before everything happens with the job and visiting NJ and what not. I just have nothing else to focus on this week and that's tough. I think eventually the time will go by quickly but right now it feels very lonely.
I read a bunch of military wives blogs today and I'll admit I feel a little spoiled. My husband isn't gone for 15 months at a shot and hell even if he was he'd probably be in an office building somehwere instead of kicking in doors. I don't have kids to worry about and raise on my own. I read one woman's bog and one of her kids is lashing out becuse he doesn't understand why his dad has to go away so often. I bet any of these women would trade places with me. The first one is always the hardest I guess and this first week will be rough. This week will be the hardest because it's right before everything happens with the job and visiting NJ and what not. I just have nothing else to focus on this week and that's tough. I think eventually the time will go by quickly but right now it feels very lonely.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Fun Things to Occupy My Time for the Next 6 Weeks...
In no particular order:
1. Organize our closet (however Ken might die of shock if he came home to a clean organized closet... will possibly rethink this one.)
2. Pick a wedding site. Can you say STRESS??!! But I am 95% decided on a place and the upside is Ken agrees with me.
3. Not killing any plants, cats, or fish. This is harder than it sounds.
4. Make a card for Ken every week. Sappy maybe, but at least it gives me a scheduled activity beyond work, eat, gym, sleep.
5. Start new job. Once again can you say STRESS???!!!
6. Shop for new clothes for said job. Sweeeeet.
7. Get back to the gym. For realz.
8. Be ready to order save the dates. This is more of a September project.
9. Make some kind of plans for Labor Day
10. Blog more
Just to get it all out: yes I was a huge crying mess. Yes I miss him already, but I am glad I have a new job to look forward to plus some extra days off in between jobs. It's crazy to think about how much will have changed byt the time he gets back. I will be a few weeks into a new job, our wedding site will be set in stone, and who the hell knows what else.
To be totally honest I'm excited about my lazy "single girl" day tomorrow which involves lots of couch sitting, reading and walks later.
I hope it goes by quickly.
1. Organize our closet (however Ken might die of shock if he came home to a clean organized closet... will possibly rethink this one.)
2. Pick a wedding site. Can you say STRESS??!! But I am 95% decided on a place and the upside is Ken agrees with me.
3. Not killing any plants, cats, or fish. This is harder than it sounds.
4. Make a card for Ken every week. Sappy maybe, but at least it gives me a scheduled activity beyond work, eat, gym, sleep.
5. Start new job. Once again can you say STRESS???!!!
6. Shop for new clothes for said job. Sweeeeet.
7. Get back to the gym. For realz.
8. Be ready to order save the dates. This is more of a September project.
9. Make some kind of plans for Labor Day
10. Blog more
Just to get it all out: yes I was a huge crying mess. Yes I miss him already, but I am glad I have a new job to look forward to plus some extra days off in between jobs. It's crazy to think about how much will have changed byt the time he gets back. I will be a few weeks into a new job, our wedding site will be set in stone, and who the hell knows what else.
To be totally honest I'm excited about my lazy "single girl" day tomorrow which involves lots of couch sitting, reading and walks later.
I hope it goes by quickly.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wedding, wedding wedding, with one wrench thrown in...
OK, update, I know it's been a minute but once again I am trying to make myself blog more often.
So: the dress is bought-shockingly enough. It's beautiful and amazing and I am totally in love with it. I hesitate to put a link to a picture because the designer's website really doesn't do it justice. And I'd rather not post a picture of me in it because a certain blonde haired groom to be might see it and I can't have that.
My current stressors are now two fold:
1. Deciding where to get married is a bigger headache than I ever imagined.
2. Ken is suddenly going to Mississippi for 6 weeks starting this coming weekend.
Ken leaving means I get to make the "place" decision, essentially by myself on top of dealing with all household responsibilities on my own. Yes it will suck and I'll miss him very much but it could be much much worse. I hate to even say this but it makes me wonder if this is a bad omen for the coming year- as if he will get deployed or something terrible in March. God, I hope not.
As far as deciding where to get married..ugh where do I even begin?? I'm starting to hate all those bitches with wedding blogs who are all "As soon as we got there I knew this was where we would get married, it was perfect blah blah blah blah.." Where's my moment?? Why aren't angels singing and the clouds parting for me?? UGH! It feels like there is at least one major problem with every site we've looked at, it could be money, or how convienent it is, or how we could work the ceremony. I wish Ken wanted to elope, I wish this was easier, I wish he wasn't going away. It could be worse, it could be worse...
So: the dress is bought-shockingly enough. It's beautiful and amazing and I am totally in love with it. I hesitate to put a link to a picture because the designer's website really doesn't do it justice. And I'd rather not post a picture of me in it because a certain blonde haired groom to be might see it and I can't have that.
My current stressors are now two fold:
1. Deciding where to get married is a bigger headache than I ever imagined.
2. Ken is suddenly going to Mississippi for 6 weeks starting this coming weekend.
Ken leaving means I get to make the "place" decision, essentially by myself on top of dealing with all household responsibilities on my own. Yes it will suck and I'll miss him very much but it could be much much worse. I hate to even say this but it makes me wonder if this is a bad omen for the coming year- as if he will get deployed or something terrible in March. God, I hope not.
As far as deciding where to get married..ugh where do I even begin?? I'm starting to hate all those bitches with wedding blogs who are all "As soon as we got there I knew this was where we would get married, it was perfect blah blah blah blah.." Where's my moment?? Why aren't angels singing and the clouds parting for me?? UGH! It feels like there is at least one major problem with every site we've looked at, it could be money, or how convienent it is, or how we could work the ceremony. I wish Ken wanted to elope, I wish this was easier, I wish he wasn't going away. It could be worse, it could be worse...
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A Question of Motivation and Family
I didn't go to the gym last night. There I'm admitting it. Instead, I was lazy and sat on the couch all night, drank Red Cat and chatted online. I know this is no way for a human to exist.
I thought once I was engaged I'd be super motviated. Motivated to go to the gym regularly, motivated to do things around the house, motivated motivated motivated. How typical to think that one thing will change your life. Even though getting enaged is a big moment in life it hasn't had the impact I so firmly believed it would. Not that I'm not happy or eager to plan but it hasn't turned my life around in the ways I thought it would. I still don't want to make that dentist appointment, when I have a rough day at work I still don't want to go to the gym. How to turn this all around??? I've been wanting to make motivational posters for myself and post them all around the house. I should really buckle down and do that tonight, maybe it will help me out a little bit. Like I finally did something productive.
I think getting enagegd has stressed me out more than I ever imagined. This past weekend at Ken's mom's wedding they kept telling me "You're next dear, you're next!" I wanted to throw up. Then there are certain things Ken and I discuss that make me think I'm not mature enough to get married. For instance: Ken said to me, "So you excited to spend every other Thanksgiving with your family?" I responded with, "Why do we have to do every holiday together? Especially Thanksgiving, which is one of my favorites to spend at home."
"Uh because we'll be MARRIED." He said.
I really don't think it's nessecary to spend every holiday together. We don't have kids, and won't have them for quite a while. I wouldn't have a problem staying home together for Christmas, which is more of a major holiday than Thanksgiving. Is this selfish? Am I immature? Will I really be considered family with all these new people? They've all been divorced so many times it kind of feels like I'm on probation and then maybe after a few years of being married I'll come off probation and then really be considered family.
As a side note, I really don't like this new yogurt Ken bought me, it's super sweet tasting. Ick.
I thought once I was engaged I'd be super motviated. Motivated to go to the gym regularly, motivated to do things around the house, motivated motivated motivated. How typical to think that one thing will change your life. Even though getting enaged is a big moment in life it hasn't had the impact I so firmly believed it would. Not that I'm not happy or eager to plan but it hasn't turned my life around in the ways I thought it would. I still don't want to make that dentist appointment, when I have a rough day at work I still don't want to go to the gym. How to turn this all around??? I've been wanting to make motivational posters for myself and post them all around the house. I should really buckle down and do that tonight, maybe it will help me out a little bit. Like I finally did something productive.
I think getting enagegd has stressed me out more than I ever imagined. This past weekend at Ken's mom's wedding they kept telling me "You're next dear, you're next!" I wanted to throw up. Then there are certain things Ken and I discuss that make me think I'm not mature enough to get married. For instance: Ken said to me, "So you excited to spend every other Thanksgiving with your family?" I responded with, "Why do we have to do every holiday together? Especially Thanksgiving, which is one of my favorites to spend at home."
"Uh because we'll be MARRIED." He said.
I really don't think it's nessecary to spend every holiday together. We don't have kids, and won't have them for quite a while. I wouldn't have a problem staying home together for Christmas, which is more of a major holiday than Thanksgiving. Is this selfish? Am I immature? Will I really be considered family with all these new people? They've all been divorced so many times it kind of feels like I'm on probation and then maybe after a few years of being married I'll come off probation and then really be considered family.
As a side note, I really don't like this new yogurt Ken bought me, it's super sweet tasting. Ick.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I'm a Bad Person...
But, I'm OK with that. I just can't help myself sometimes. Below, please enjoy an IM convo I am having with ex-boyfriend Jeremy and totally bait him the entire time to ask about my engagement. Eventually, I break and bring it up myself, awesomness ensues.
naughtonshvc: so how was the big move?
jerbond0127: Shitty
jerbond0127: I'm about 90% done
classic Jeremy line... every job done in percents...
naughtonshvc: did you do it yourself?
jerbond0127: Arnstein and our friend Bryan helped out
naughtonshvc : thats a plus
I so don't care anymore, ask about me.
jerbond0127 :yeah definitely. We rented a 14' uhaul yesterday and moved all of my biggest shit
Long Pause. Shit, this can't end here, must ask more pointless questions...
naughtonshvc : you liking the new place so far?
jerbond0127 : Yeah definitely.
jerbond0127 : Much better entertainment system. We have a yard. More space. etc
naughtonshvc : thats nice
On to my life...anytime now...
naughtonshvc : how many people do you live with now?
jerbond0127 : Me and 2 others
naughtonshvc :think you'll all be bff?
This is killing me slowly....
jerbond0127 : hopefully
jerbond0127 : that'd be nice. who knows
naughtonshvc : do you have a new job yet?
jerbond0127 : Nope. Thats my next step, as soon as I'm finished with this move.
naughtonshvc : i might be looking for a new job shortly, my office might be moving out to bum
jerbond0127 :out to bum?
naughtonshvc :bum fuck
jerbond0127 : bumble fuck
jerbond0127 : gotch'ya
naughtonshvc : yeah and my happy ass isnt driving 40 mins to work with gas being 4 freaking bucks a gallon
Here comes the transition to me! Feel it Jeremy! Feeeeeeel it!
jerbond0127 : yeah jeesus christ...I was around my place for about a week, not driving all that much, then when I finally had to fill up...bam! 4.25...WTF
naughtonshvc : yeah its terrible
Shit.
jerbond0127 : 65 bucks for me
Double shit.
naughtonshvc :holy shiz
jerbond0127 : yeah.
jerbond0127 : My Pathfinder for ya
naughtonshvc : its like 40 something for me
I can't take this anymore. I'm going for it....
naughtonshvc : its amazing how many random people i have heard from since ive been engaged
jerbond0127 : ha. Like who?
naughtonshvc : well believe it or not i havent talked to tamar liz and leah in a year plus and they all called me
Only half true, close enough...
naughtonshvc : dave shawl im'd me last night
naughtonshvc : a couple people i had classes with have im'd me or facebook messaged me
Lies.
jerbond0127 : Funny how that happens huh
naughtonshvc : everyone wants an invite to the biggest part of 2009
naughtonshvc : *party
jerbond0127 :oh shit...
naughtonshvc : you probably want one too
OK, that was a little too obvious
jerbond0127 : its gonna be a whos who I'm sure
naughtonshvc : i hope you're not being sarcastic
naughtonshvc : because it really will be
jerbond0127 : I think you want me to want one
naughtonshvc : i think i dont care
I think this is hilarious.
jerbond0127 : It'd be weird I think
naughtonshvc: hahaha thats putting it lightly
I am practically rolling on the floor with laughter imagining Jeremy at my wedding
jerbond0127 : I thought you said you didn't care if I was there
naughtonshvc : no i meant i didnt care if you wanted to come or not
jerbond0127 :oh I see.
naughtonshvc : you feel weird about it in general tho i think
And sadly that's where it ends! Ah Jeremy, I guess sometimes you do know better. I guess if he wasn't such a shitty boyfriend I might not feel the need to do this anymore, but every once in a while I just can't resist.
naughtonshvc: so how was the big move?
jerbond0127: Shitty
jerbond0127: I'm about 90% done
classic Jeremy line... every job done in percents...
naughtonshvc: did you do it yourself?
jerbond0127: Arnstein and our friend Bryan helped out
naughtonshvc : thats a plus
I so don't care anymore, ask about me.
jerbond0127 :yeah definitely. We rented a 14' uhaul yesterday and moved all of my biggest shit
Long Pause. Shit, this can't end here, must ask more pointless questions...
naughtonshvc : you liking the new place so far?
jerbond0127 : Yeah definitely.
jerbond0127 : Much better entertainment system. We have a yard. More space. etc
naughtonshvc : thats nice
On to my life...anytime now...
naughtonshvc : how many people do you live with now?
jerbond0127 : Me and 2 others
naughtonshvc :think you'll all be bff?
This is killing me slowly....
jerbond0127 : hopefully
jerbond0127 : that'd be nice. who knows
naughtonshvc : do you have a new job yet?
jerbond0127 : Nope. Thats my next step, as soon as I'm finished with this move.
naughtonshvc : i might be looking for a new job shortly, my office might be moving out to bum
jerbond0127 :out to bum?
naughtonshvc :bum fuck
jerbond0127 : bumble fuck
jerbond0127 : gotch'ya
naughtonshvc : yeah and my happy ass isnt driving 40 mins to work with gas being 4 freaking bucks a gallon
Here comes the transition to me! Feel it Jeremy! Feeeeeeel it!
jerbond0127 : yeah jeesus christ...I was around my place for about a week, not driving all that much, then when I finally had to fill up...bam! 4.25...WTF
naughtonshvc : yeah its terrible
Shit.
jerbond0127 : 65 bucks for me
Double shit.
naughtonshvc :holy shiz
jerbond0127 : yeah.
jerbond0127 : My Pathfinder for ya
naughtonshvc : its like 40 something for me
I can't take this anymore. I'm going for it....
naughtonshvc : its amazing how many random people i have heard from since ive been engaged
jerbond0127 : ha. Like who?
naughtonshvc : well believe it or not i havent talked to tamar liz and leah in a year plus and they all called me
Only half true, close enough...
naughtonshvc : dave shawl im'd me last night
naughtonshvc : a couple people i had classes with have im'd me or facebook messaged me
Lies.
jerbond0127 : Funny how that happens huh
naughtonshvc : everyone wants an invite to the biggest part of 2009
naughtonshvc : *party
jerbond0127 :oh shit...
naughtonshvc : you probably want one too
OK, that was a little too obvious
jerbond0127 : its gonna be a whos who I'm sure
naughtonshvc : i hope you're not being sarcastic
naughtonshvc : because it really will be
jerbond0127 : I think you want me to want one
naughtonshvc : i think i dont care
I think this is hilarious.
jerbond0127 : It'd be weird I think
naughtonshvc: hahaha thats putting it lightly
I am practically rolling on the floor with laughter imagining Jeremy at my wedding
jerbond0127 : I thought you said you didn't care if I was there
naughtonshvc : no i meant i didnt care if you wanted to come or not
jerbond0127 :oh I see.
naughtonshvc : you feel weird about it in general tho i think
And sadly that's where it ends! Ah Jeremy, I guess sometimes you do know better. I guess if he wasn't such a shitty boyfriend I might not feel the need to do this anymore, but every once in a while I just can't resist.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Troubles
So things bewteen my fiance nd I are not at an all time high right now. It's kind of a long story and I don't want to get into all the nitty gritty right now but essentially he's out of town and I'm pissed about it. He pulled one of those "You can come if you want." Which equals "Please don't come with me." So, I guess I'm just hurt and I feel left in the dark a little bit. Yesterday he was being all nice to me via phone and it just pissed me off more. Then last night I got just enough alcohol in me to start texting him my real thoughts (yeah smart) so basically I kind of doubt I'm going to hear from him today. Besides the fact that he has a lot of family stuff going on today I kind of doubt he's going to make time to try to contact his pissy fiance/girlfriend/evil bitch. He comes back late late tomorrow and I just don't know. Usually by this point in our fights I'm feeling badly and so I find some gift or something to get him to say sorry. But this time I'm just not feeling it. I'm sure I'll be glad to see him and all of that so I think I just need to wait for him to be home and be happy about it and try not to worry in the meantime.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Yes it's True...
I am engaged, or we are engaged. And yes it rocks. Right now the only bad part is my ring is getting resized and I won't have it for at least a week. I can't wait till we can plan more. It's so exciting!
Monday, May 19, 2008
2 Things That Makes My Life Great..and the weekend...
Another thing that makes my life great: New Jersey. Especially defeding it to the haters (and there are many of them.) I couldn't begin to count how many people have said to my face "Jersey is dirty." Where I live is far from dirty-there's a least a quater of an acre behind my parents house, with a natural creek flowing through it, and my father's pond complete with frogs. Yeah, what a disgusting state. And to be fair I know that Newark and Elizabeth are gross cities but thtat is North Jersey and I proudly hail from South Jersey. The land of pine barrens and Philadelphia, Cape May, Ocean City, and I can proudly say that even Atlantic City is cleaning up its act. So in closing let me say that South Jersey is beautiful and even though I don't live there anymore every time I go back I know I am home.
Yet another thing that makes my life great:
Childhood memories (which slightly ties in with the above comments) I got a serious flashback this weekend when Ken and I were planting tomatoes in our front yard: my parents' vegetable garden. They had a pretty legit garden going on for a couple years. I remember how fun it was to run out there and get tomatoes or green beans for my mom. And in the spring my friends and I would walk through the narrow rows and look for tiny tomatoes and peppers. I couldn't possibly list all the memories I have here but I have very few bad ones and I know this makes me very lucky.
Anyway, on to my weekend-if you can even call it that. Ken father and his wife Donna stayed with us for two nights and let's just say it was taxing. They had out bedroom, the weather wasn't great, and in general it was just hard to gauge if they were having a good time, whichmakes me feel uncomfortable/bad. Plus I think they were preoccupied with thinking about their son and his hard partying college ways. I think he'll get his shit together in about 5 years but it will be an interesting five years. I am very glad life is back to normal. I also can't wait for the long weekend, I think Ken and I are going to Lake Anna. YAY fun! Work was blissfully slow today and hopefully will remain that way this week and we will have a BBQ on Friday. Good week! (I hope) And no I'm not at the gym today...in my defense I am exhausted but I did really well last week and had a nice long walk yesterday. Back at it tomorrow and hopefully I'll actualy get 8+ hours of sleep tonight. Fingers crossed!
Yet another thing that makes my life great:
Childhood memories (which slightly ties in with the above comments) I got a serious flashback this weekend when Ken and I were planting tomatoes in our front yard: my parents' vegetable garden. They had a pretty legit garden going on for a couple years. I remember how fun it was to run out there and get tomatoes or green beans for my mom. And in the spring my friends and I would walk through the narrow rows and look for tiny tomatoes and peppers. I couldn't possibly list all the memories I have here but I have very few bad ones and I know this makes me very lucky.
Anyway, on to my weekend-if you can even call it that. Ken father and his wife Donna stayed with us for two nights and let's just say it was taxing. They had out bedroom, the weather wasn't great, and in general it was just hard to gauge if they were having a good time, whichmakes me feel uncomfortable/bad. Plus I think they were preoccupied with thinking about their son and his hard partying college ways. I think he'll get his shit together in about 5 years but it will be an interesting five years. I am very glad life is back to normal. I also can't wait for the long weekend, I think Ken and I are going to Lake Anna. YAY fun! Work was blissfully slow today and hopefully will remain that way this week and we will have a BBQ on Friday. Good week! (I hope) And no I'm not at the gym today...in my defense I am exhausted but I did really well last week and had a nice long walk yesterday. Back at it tomorrow and hopefully I'll actualy get 8+ hours of sleep tonight. Fingers crossed!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
A List
After an exceedingly tough day at work I have decided to start a list of 10 things that make my life great. I probably won't finish it in this post, but it's worth starting. **Disclaimer: This is in no particular order.
The kitties (especially Nina, yes I play favorites) I must admit that it is wonderful to come home and see Nina's cute kitty face and hear her meow at me. She is definitely the cutest and I really enjoy having her to take care of. It's amazing how much she has grown since we got her.
My family- including the extendeds. Whenever Ken and I talk about family I realize how insanely lucky I am. Not that his family is bad or anything but realize how lucky I am that I have or had a relationship with all my cousins, even if it just meant playing together when we were kids. And I'm glad that I get along really well with all of my aunts and uncles. As a special bonus they're all really interesting people and I think I'm a favorite, ha!
The kitties (especially Nina, yes I play favorites) I must admit that it is wonderful to come home and see Nina's cute kitty face and hear her meow at me. She is definitely the cutest and I really enjoy having her to take care of. It's amazing how much she has grown since we got her.
My family- including the extendeds. Whenever Ken and I talk about family I realize how insanely lucky I am. Not that his family is bad or anything but realize how lucky I am that I have or had a relationship with all my cousins, even if it just meant playing together when we were kids. And I'm glad that I get along really well with all of my aunts and uncles. As a special bonus they're all really interesting people and I think I'm a favorite, ha!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Gym Weirdos
What is it about the gym that beings out the weirdo in people? I can't take it, I must share with the world below please enjoy my gym weirdos:
1. Too-skinny-woman-constantly-on-the-eliptical: what are you doing? you're thinner than a stick. get off the eliptical and eat a cheeseburger. Also, you sweat more than a 250 pound man... how is this possible???
2. Yoga bitches: I hate you. With your dragon fly yoga mats chatting about getting soy lattes after class. You make me feel like the fat kid in 8th grade.
3. Dude who makes far too much noise while lifting weights: Really? You're not cool. Keep it to yourself. I kind of think you're doing it to impress the chicks on the arc trainers. Am I right? Maybe you could scream the answer out while doing the crunches in the air thingy.
4. Older lady who wear the spandex bike shorts to do everything: I know you've lost weight. Yes, I have noticed! But STOP.WEARING.THE.BIKE.SHORTS. they look good on no one. I don't think I've ever seen lumpier hips in my life.
Now that I've complained for a little while let me also say this: WHY do people shower at the gym? Someone explain. It only makes sense if you go before work. But at night? C'mon. Why get naked in front of strangers if you don't have to right? Maybe it's me...
1. Too-skinny-woman-constantly-on-the-eliptical: what are you doing? you're thinner than a stick. get off the eliptical and eat a cheeseburger. Also, you sweat more than a 250 pound man... how is this possible???
2. Yoga bitches: I hate you. With your dragon fly yoga mats chatting about getting soy lattes after class. You make me feel like the fat kid in 8th grade.
3. Dude who makes far too much noise while lifting weights: Really? You're not cool. Keep it to yourself. I kind of think you're doing it to impress the chicks on the arc trainers. Am I right? Maybe you could scream the answer out while doing the crunches in the air thingy.
4. Older lady who wear the spandex bike shorts to do everything: I know you've lost weight. Yes, I have noticed! But STOP.WEARING.THE.BIKE.SHORTS. they look good on no one. I don't think I've ever seen lumpier hips in my life.
Now that I've complained for a little while let me also say this: WHY do people shower at the gym? Someone explain. It only makes sense if you go before work. But at night? C'mon. Why get naked in front of strangers if you don't have to right? Maybe it's me...
Future Plans
Don't get too excited... it's not like I am planning out the rest of my life. By future I mean this summer. The first event I guess is Dover. Dover will be fun for the following reasons: 1. Mary is coming with me this time, 2. Penny slots, 3. Hopefully finally getting my Carl Edwards T Shirt. (I'm really hoping they've stepped up ther game since Richmond. He did come in second place this weekend.)
The next event is Ken's Mom's wedding. While I am...er... annoyed for various reasons about the whole affair there are definitely some positive things to look forward to: 1. Taking a day off work, 2. Being in the fingerlakes, 3. Buying 2 new dresses 4. Wine. All good things. However to achieve number 3 I need work out regularly for the next 4 weeks. I'm ok with that.
After that is my birthday-a very important holiday- Ken and I are starting to plan our Virginia wine tour. We plan to go to the Eastern Shore and hit Charlottesville on the way back. I can't wait to have a house with a wine cellar *sigh*
****Disclaimer! I am not a wine snob by any means. I know what I like and that's about it. The best part of going to wineries is getting the free or very cheap tasting. For instance: I don't think Ken and I were charged once on our way back from Richmond and one guy was very liberal with the free pour.
Besides these planned events I will also probably go to Boston in July and hopefully my parents will visit in June some time. Ken's dad and stepmom are coming this weekend. I hope the weather holds up. Also- I am making short ribs for the first time, I'm excited to see the end result-wish me luck.
The next event is Ken's Mom's wedding. While I am...er... annoyed for various reasons about the whole affair there are definitely some positive things to look forward to: 1. Taking a day off work, 2. Being in the fingerlakes, 3. Buying 2 new dresses 4. Wine. All good things. However to achieve number 3 I need work out regularly for the next 4 weeks. I'm ok with that.
After that is my birthday-a very important holiday- Ken and I are starting to plan our Virginia wine tour. We plan to go to the Eastern Shore and hit Charlottesville on the way back. I can't wait to have a house with a wine cellar *sigh*
****Disclaimer! I am not a wine snob by any means. I know what I like and that's about it. The best part of going to wineries is getting the free or very cheap tasting. For instance: I don't think Ken and I were charged once on our way back from Richmond and one guy was very liberal with the free pour.
Besides these planned events I will also probably go to Boston in July and hopefully my parents will visit in June some time. Ken's dad and stepmom are coming this weekend. I hope the weather holds up. Also- I am making short ribs for the first time, I'm excited to see the end result-wish me luck.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Richmond and Cryfest 2008
Richmond was fun- will have pictures shortly. One day I'll remember to do all the stuff I want to do when I get home from work. We called it a mental health weekend: eating at Shoney's, drinking lots of Miller Lite, wine trails, free tickets to the Nationwide Series, Clint Bowyer winning the big race, tube tops, can coolie-the best thing ever btw, hot weather, and lots of dirt. Good times!
Cryfest 2008 was last night. I guess I just can't handle certain things as well as I think I can. For the past month or so we've been talking about getting married a lot. Which is great of course- we love each other, we can live together without much problem, our lives are about 100% integrated at this point, etc etc. But I guess I can't discuss it any further with him till we're actually engaged. The dream I had Saturday sums it up pretty well- out of no where Ken comes up to me and says "We're getting married." My mom and dad are there as well as my aunt and uncle. My brother marries us, no one is dressed up there are no flowers, no rings even, I think we were in a parking lot outside a hotel. Ken doesn't kiss me at the end and as we're walking away from the ceremony I want to cry. I keep telling Ken that this can't be it- we have to do this again the "right" way. He only responds, "We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about it later."
My mom and aunt keep telling me the ceremony was "lovely" but I know they're lying to me. The reception was in the hotel we were married outside of and before anyone gets there I'm running around trying to make everything look better- and that's where the dream ends.
We talked about the whole thing briefly. He said he understands my problems with it. Maybe part of me thinks he's actually not ready to make that kind of commitment and I'll just be waiting on him forever. And really, I have no idea when he'll propose..IF he'll propose maybe it's not as soon as I hope it is and then I'll just be angry at him for getting my hopes up so soon just to be waiting till next year or something. He acknowledged that he's just as guilty as I am when it came to discussing it and what not. Somewhere in there he's excited too which is great but we just have to keep it on the back burner for now. And maybe this sounds bitchy or like I'm being one of "those girls" but really I am TIRED of just living together. Don't get me wrong-it's great and we love each other and we have a beautiful home but I'm just sick of it. And it almost makes me start thinking what have I done? What have I not done? Why am I not as good as HER? I thought I was doing everything right. I haven't cheated, I have a job, I split all bills, I do my part around the house, I try to compromise, what IS IT??
Cryfest 2008 was last night. I guess I just can't handle certain things as well as I think I can. For the past month or so we've been talking about getting married a lot. Which is great of course- we love each other, we can live together without much problem, our lives are about 100% integrated at this point, etc etc. But I guess I can't discuss it any further with him till we're actually engaged. The dream I had Saturday sums it up pretty well- out of no where Ken comes up to me and says "We're getting married." My mom and dad are there as well as my aunt and uncle. My brother marries us, no one is dressed up there are no flowers, no rings even, I think we were in a parking lot outside a hotel. Ken doesn't kiss me at the end and as we're walking away from the ceremony I want to cry. I keep telling Ken that this can't be it- we have to do this again the "right" way. He only responds, "We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about it later."
My mom and aunt keep telling me the ceremony was "lovely" but I know they're lying to me. The reception was in the hotel we were married outside of and before anyone gets there I'm running around trying to make everything look better- and that's where the dream ends.
We talked about the whole thing briefly. He said he understands my problems with it. Maybe part of me thinks he's actually not ready to make that kind of commitment and I'll just be waiting on him forever. And really, I have no idea when he'll propose..IF he'll propose maybe it's not as soon as I hope it is and then I'll just be angry at him for getting my hopes up so soon just to be waiting till next year or something. He acknowledged that he's just as guilty as I am when it came to discussing it and what not. Somewhere in there he's excited too which is great but we just have to keep it on the back burner for now. And maybe this sounds bitchy or like I'm being one of "those girls" but really I am TIRED of just living together. Don't get me wrong-it's great and we love each other and we have a beautiful home but I'm just sick of it. And it almost makes me start thinking what have I done? What have I not done? Why am I not as good as HER? I thought I was doing everything right. I haven't cheated, I have a job, I split all bills, I do my part around the house, I try to compromise, what IS IT??
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Motivation.
Britt asked me a very interesting question this afternoon: "What motivates you in your relationship?"
I had to think about it. The word motivation was an interesting word choice--not what makes you happy, or why do you love him but what motivates you. So here's my answer in three parts.
When I first met Ken I knew it would be different. After our first few dates I was totally in love and I had a very good feeling that our relationship would be going somewhere. (Side note: it was not love at first sight for him. Apparantly I grew on him. *sigh* boys.) So that was my motivation in the beginning to really have this relationship go somehwere.
Now we've lived together for a year plus and we know each other ridiculously well so it's all about mainting a healthy, happy, and fun relationship. The most important part of that is trying to not let the ruts or occasional disagreement get to you too much. And being able to talk to each other about the ruts and problems that arise.
The last and most important part of my answer is that what I get from him also motivates me. It doesn't have to be a compliment just the fact that he gies me a kiss every day when I come home from work. Or when he says "I've been wanting to tell you about this all day!" It's a good feeling when you realize someone's been thinking about you all day. Things like that just make me love him more which is the ultimate motivator.
This answer might not be complete but it's a good start.
It's funny-- I was thinking lately that I wanted to have a blog entry just about Ken but I kind of chickened out. Well, not chickened out but in a way I didn't want to put out something so mushy and cheesey and have him not know. (He never checks my blog.) But I think this is the perfect replacement.
I had to think about it. The word motivation was an interesting word choice--not what makes you happy, or why do you love him but what motivates you. So here's my answer in three parts.
When I first met Ken I knew it would be different. After our first few dates I was totally in love and I had a very good feeling that our relationship would be going somewhere. (Side note: it was not love at first sight for him. Apparantly I grew on him. *sigh* boys.) So that was my motivation in the beginning to really have this relationship go somehwere.
Now we've lived together for a year plus and we know each other ridiculously well so it's all about mainting a healthy, happy, and fun relationship. The most important part of that is trying to not let the ruts or occasional disagreement get to you too much. And being able to talk to each other about the ruts and problems that arise.
The last and most important part of my answer is that what I get from him also motivates me. It doesn't have to be a compliment just the fact that he gies me a kiss every day when I come home from work. Or when he says "I've been wanting to tell you about this all day!" It's a good feeling when you realize someone's been thinking about you all day. Things like that just make me love him more which is the ultimate motivator.
This answer might not be complete but it's a good start.
It's funny-- I was thinking lately that I wanted to have a blog entry just about Ken but I kind of chickened out. Well, not chickened out but in a way I didn't want to put out something so mushy and cheesey and have him not know. (He never checks my blog.) But I think this is the perfect replacement.
Monday, April 28, 2008
This Past Weekend
I was in NJ for Mom's birthday. We went to the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the art museum. I really liked it. She had such an interesting life. I love her self portraits and how she expresses so much just through painting herself. (Interesting side note: She was a Cancer July 6-week of the unconventional) Below are two favorites"
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Other than that I hung out with family and saw Jess on Saturday night.
My grandmother's house on the east side of cherry hill finally sold after being on the market forever. She got a pretty good price for it I think: $369,900. It's sad that she doesn't really know what's going on anymore. For the first time in her life my mom wants her mother to have the same personality that used to drive her crazy. My grandma is missing the gene that bakes you cookies, tells you to eat, and is generally on your side no matter what your parents say. Instead she was very critical, super religious, and just generally weird. Not to give the wrong impression-it's not like my mom and her sisters weren't on speaking terms with their mother or anything but let's put it this way-there was a reason that at one point none of them lived less than 6 driving hours away from her. And she definitely mellowed in her old age. Apparantly she used to be quite the battle axe. But, now it's strange to me that she can't remember I'm out of college or that I live in Virginia. It will be interesting to see what the rest of the year brings for Grandma.
This weekend we're going to Richmond for the NASCAR race. It better not rain! I'm excited to drink some beer from my soft sided cooler and get me a Carl Edwards shirt. Whoo!
It would be awesome if I got my rebate and could buy a new digital camera to take pictures. Maybe I'll just buy a new one anyway so I can put up some awesome pictures from the track. Yeah, you would love that wouldn't you blog?
Other than that I hung out with family and saw Jess on Saturday night.
My grandmother's house on the east side of cherry hill finally sold after being on the market forever. She got a pretty good price for it I think: $369,900. It's sad that she doesn't really know what's going on anymore. For the first time in her life my mom wants her mother to have the same personality that used to drive her crazy. My grandma is missing the gene that bakes you cookies, tells you to eat, and is generally on your side no matter what your parents say. Instead she was very critical, super religious, and just generally weird. Not to give the wrong impression-it's not like my mom and her sisters weren't on speaking terms with their mother or anything but let's put it this way-there was a reason that at one point none of them lived less than 6 driving hours away from her. And she definitely mellowed in her old age. Apparantly she used to be quite the battle axe. But, now it's strange to me that she can't remember I'm out of college or that I live in Virginia. It will be interesting to see what the rest of the year brings for Grandma.
This weekend we're going to Richmond for the NASCAR race. It better not rain! I'm excited to drink some beer from my soft sided cooler and get me a Carl Edwards shirt. Whoo!
It would be awesome if I got my rebate and could buy a new digital camera to take pictures. Maybe I'll just buy a new one anyway so I can put up some awesome pictures from the track. Yeah, you would love that wouldn't you blog?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Working Girl
While it's nice to not deal with psychos all day it's a little unnerving how not busy we are and this is still supposedly the "busy spring season". Further confirmation that I need a new job. It's hard to get the motivation back. I was so sure that I got that job up in Bethesda and then when I didn't it was slightly crushing. Plus I had used up all kinds of time off to go to all the freaking interviews. That's definitely the worst part- lying to your boss, getting dressed up, going all the way out to wherever the fuck, attempting to put your best foot forward and impress the pants off of some strangers, and then getting rejected. It's like the worst date ever.
I am SO not interested in a career anymore-working sucks- I hate it. It eats up all your time, stresses you out, never pays enough, and generally inserts needless bullshit into your life.
me=bitter betty.
I am SO not interested in a career anymore-working sucks- I hate it. It eats up all your time, stresses you out, never pays enough, and generally inserts needless bullshit into your life.
me=bitter betty.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Death and Iraq
I don't know if I've mentioned this in any of my past posts but my cousin Greg (who is two weeks my senior) is an officer in the Marines and is in Iraq. Luckily he is not in a very dangerous area and his deployment is pretty short-about 9 months. However, his commanding officer was killed in Fallujah a few weeks ago. It's very sad for him because this was his mentor. According to his mom he doesn't want to talk about it yet. It's hard to describe what I feel for him right now. It's like a combination of my heart being torn out and just not knowing what to say, being numb.
For me it's gradually hitting closer to home. First-Greg joined the Marines, knowing full well he was going to Iraq. Second- He actually went. Third- His mentor dies and now my aunt is going to the funeral for Greg since he can't attend and she is staying over night with me.
Just last Friday Ken was talking about a 6 month job in Baghdad he is considering taking. He asked me if I would "let" him go. I told him if he really thought it could benefit his career then I guess I would be OK with it. I'd rather at least know where he is then have him be deployed and have no idea where he is. And the big plus is it's only 6 months- not these 12 month 15 month deployments. However, since it's so short it makes me wonder if the job is really difficult or time consuming or something. Ken then asked me if it would be worse if this job meant he would miss my birthday and Christmas and I told him to just come back. He just has to come back.
Nothing is set in stone, thank God, and he may not even go. But, this situation is the epitome of what bothers me about the military- lots of talk and random action. I know there's no need to get upset until it actually happens and for me that's big. I like to know everything in advance... way in advance. But with the military it's just a lot of talking and a lot of waiting. So I guess I will wait and see what happens.
For me it's gradually hitting closer to home. First-Greg joined the Marines, knowing full well he was going to Iraq. Second- He actually went. Third- His mentor dies and now my aunt is going to the funeral for Greg since he can't attend and she is staying over night with me.
Just last Friday Ken was talking about a 6 month job in Baghdad he is considering taking. He asked me if I would "let" him go. I told him if he really thought it could benefit his career then I guess I would be OK with it. I'd rather at least know where he is then have him be deployed and have no idea where he is. And the big plus is it's only 6 months- not these 12 month 15 month deployments. However, since it's so short it makes me wonder if the job is really difficult or time consuming or something. Ken then asked me if it would be worse if this job meant he would miss my birthday and Christmas and I told him to just come back. He just has to come back.
Nothing is set in stone, thank God, and he may not even go. But, this situation is the epitome of what bothers me about the military- lots of talk and random action. I know there's no need to get upset until it actually happens and for me that's big. I like to know everything in advance... way in advance. But with the military it's just a lot of talking and a lot of waiting. So I guess I will wait and see what happens.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Back on the Wagon
OK, OK, so I broke my own rules. The important thing is, I'm not giving up right? Right.
Last night we had dinner with Ken's mom and her fiancee (number three step right on up!) and his son and his wife. Maybe this is a silly trait to not like in people but I just can't take picky eaters. The son-Micheal (NOT Mike) would not eat anything green, potatoes, mushrooms, etc etc etc. So as soon as I heard him rattling off rainman style what he wouldn't eat I knew my lemon tart would not be up his alley. This guy was not only picky with what he would put in his mouth but what came out of it as well. I think he said a total of 10 words all evening and really only perked up when the cat came to visit us. I can understand enjoying animals more than people, in fact I agree with that that statement most days, however make an effort! His wife was very personable, NOT a picky eater, and was perfectly happy to get to know us. Maybe this guy has issues with his father getting remarried. I think he was past the teenage years once they got divorced-I suppose that can be worse because at that point you realize that your parents are in a relationship. I don't mean to be too critical of this guy but people like this truly baffle me. In a way I feel like I should have made more of an effort to reach out to him to get him to chat, but the weird thing was not even his father or wife really reached out to him. It's almost like he wasn't there. Maybe with time he will open up-they get married in June, hopefully that will give him time to think of her and us as "family."
Last night we had dinner with Ken's mom and her fiancee (number three step right on up!) and his son and his wife. Maybe this is a silly trait to not like in people but I just can't take picky eaters. The son-Micheal (NOT Mike) would not eat anything green, potatoes, mushrooms, etc etc etc. So as soon as I heard him rattling off rainman style what he wouldn't eat I knew my lemon tart would not be up his alley. This guy was not only picky with what he would put in his mouth but what came out of it as well. I think he said a total of 10 words all evening and really only perked up when the cat came to visit us. I can understand enjoying animals more than people, in fact I agree with that that statement most days, however make an effort! His wife was very personable, NOT a picky eater, and was perfectly happy to get to know us. Maybe this guy has issues with his father getting remarried. I think he was past the teenage years once they got divorced-I suppose that can be worse because at that point you realize that your parents are in a relationship. I don't mean to be too critical of this guy but people like this truly baffle me. In a way I feel like I should have made more of an effort to reach out to him to get him to chat, but the weird thing was not even his father or wife really reached out to him. It's almost like he wasn't there. Maybe with time he will open up-they get married in June, hopefully that will give him time to think of her and us as "family."
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
It is only me???!!!!
That has occasional meltdowns for no reason? And NO, I'm NOT PMSing-kthanks.
Mary once told me that she thinks I'm an emotionally strong person. I'm pretty much laughed out loud when I heard that one and I think I told her, "I bet Ken would debate you on that point."
Ken was complaining to me about his job, and how his college work is piling up, and how he will have to work well into the evening the next two Wednesdays in a row, etc etc etc. I started doing a mental inventory of all the thing coming up in our lives and I kept thinking, "God we're going to be busy. God, we're going to busy." For instance- our next three weekends are booked- hell, most of JUNE is booked. I guess all the things started to weigh on my teetering emotional state and I just started crying. Ken, being a guy, thought I was all upset because he was leaving to go to the gym. I told him I didn't know why I was upset and at the time that was the God's honest truth.
So, I'm sure he is at the gym now assuming that I am a big crying mess. But, in reality I am (mostly) over it, I blogged it out, and now I'm going to walk to 7-11 and get a huge beer. Who's down?
Mary once told me that she thinks I'm an emotionally strong person. I'm pretty much laughed out loud when I heard that one and I think I told her, "I bet Ken would debate you on that point."
Ken was complaining to me about his job, and how his college work is piling up, and how he will have to work well into the evening the next two Wednesdays in a row, etc etc etc. I started doing a mental inventory of all the thing coming up in our lives and I kept thinking, "God we're going to be busy. God, we're going to busy." For instance- our next three weekends are booked- hell, most of JUNE is booked. I guess all the things started to weigh on my teetering emotional state and I just started crying. Ken, being a guy, thought I was all upset because he was leaving to go to the gym. I told him I didn't know why I was upset and at the time that was the God's honest truth.
So, I'm sure he is at the gym now assuming that I am a big crying mess. But, in reality I am (mostly) over it, I blogged it out, and now I'm going to walk to 7-11 and get a huge beer. Who's down?
I'm a believer...
Back before I began this kick of blogging every day I wrote a quick little entry about trying to lose weight in the new year. Surprisingly enough, Ken and I have both stuck to it and I've lost 16 pounds since Jan 2. My waist is back in action!
I will admit that I was a hater when it came to those articles in women's magazines about how regular exercise will help your mood, and make you more motivated and jump start your metabolism and have better periods, and make you lunch etc etc etc. Well, it may not make me lunch and I'm not 100% convinced on the "easier period" theroy but my moods are much much better and I'm more motivated to clean up around the house, or read a chapter of my book, or take a walk on a nice day. I've learned a lot about myself through the losing weight experience (which is far from over btw) the most amazing thing is how quickly your body "redistributes" itself. Even after only a week of working out you feel a shift in your body. Suddenly it's easier to suck it in and in my case my legs felt much much stronger.
I've heard many times that the body is "an amazing thing" and now I am truly a believer in that phrase.
In case anyone was wondering my goal is to lose about 3 pounds per month which would equal about 36 pounds lost for the year. I'm thinking about upping that goal to 4 pounds per month which would be about 48 pounds for the year. Either was I'm pretty close to a half way point of 20ish pounds by June.
(I just re read that paragraph and it definitely sounds like something out of a weight loss reality show, but I'm OK with that)
I will admit that I was a hater when it came to those articles in women's magazines about how regular exercise will help your mood, and make you more motivated and jump start your metabolism and have better periods, and make you lunch etc etc etc. Well, it may not make me lunch and I'm not 100% convinced on the "easier period" theroy but my moods are much much better and I'm more motivated to clean up around the house, or read a chapter of my book, or take a walk on a nice day. I've learned a lot about myself through the losing weight experience (which is far from over btw) the most amazing thing is how quickly your body "redistributes" itself. Even after only a week of working out you feel a shift in your body. Suddenly it's easier to suck it in and in my case my legs felt much much stronger.
I've heard many times that the body is "an amazing thing" and now I am truly a believer in that phrase.
In case anyone was wondering my goal is to lose about 3 pounds per month which would equal about 36 pounds lost for the year. I'm thinking about upping that goal to 4 pounds per month which would be about 48 pounds for the year. Either was I'm pretty close to a half way point of 20ish pounds by June.
(I just re read that paragraph and it definitely sounds like something out of a weight loss reality show, but I'm OK with that)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Blog Thoroughly or Don't Blog at All
The subject of this post is stolen from another blog that I read regularly and it made me realize... I've been wanting to blog regularly but made excuses to myself- what do I really have to say? What if I reveal too much? Ect, etc. That one line made me think- what's the point of even having a blog if you're not going to use it? And if you really do want to be a writer then you MUST write. You NEED to write. I can't count how many times I heard that phrase in college.
It's interesting how certain things stay with you- my first non fiction class the professor was awesome- totally open about her own life and gave great writing advice. She told us that after she completed her grad program at Emerson she got really depressed about writing. She was afraid that she couldn't hack it without the workshop environment. It took time but she had to rely on herself to give the good advice and learn to work with editors and (most important) not to take things too personally. It is very true that the workshop environment is an easy "drug" so to speak. You get assignments- you complete them and discuss. Without that kind of routine it's very hard to keep it up on your own( at least for me).
One thing I am kind of proud about is that I didn't stop reading after college. One of the smartest people I have ever encountered (Maria-she's pretty famous in the Emerson College Lit World-trust me) said that in order to write you must read. Not that this is uncommon advice but she could tell me that aliens would come out of my skull and I would probably believe her.
Enough with my "brain storm" on writing. I feel like making a list so below, is a "Cast of Characters" who will probably be regulars in this blog:
Ken- My boyfriend (typical, maybe) but we live together so it's like family. (I hope that doesn't sound creepy)
Mary- Co-worker, friend, and Pisces. If I ever say something like "I don't really remember parts of Saturday night" chances are I was with her.
My Boss- I don't feel the need to mention him by name. Boss sums him up pretty well.
Britt- Dear friend and college roommate who moved to California. Very sad, but we talk online.
Jess- High school best friend. I actually see her once in a while now that I live only 2 hours away from home.
Holly-former co-worker, roommate, and current friend
Shannon- see above, minus roommate
Nina- Cat #1
Keira- Step-cat, Cat #2
Mom, Dad- Self explanatory
PS I plan to delete some of the super depressing/whiny enteries in the very near future. This blog needs a makeover!
It's interesting how certain things stay with you- my first non fiction class the professor was awesome- totally open about her own life and gave great writing advice. She told us that after she completed her grad program at Emerson she got really depressed about writing. She was afraid that she couldn't hack it without the workshop environment. It took time but she had to rely on herself to give the good advice and learn to work with editors and (most important) not to take things too personally. It is very true that the workshop environment is an easy "drug" so to speak. You get assignments- you complete them and discuss. Without that kind of routine it's very hard to keep it up on your own( at least for me).
One thing I am kind of proud about is that I didn't stop reading after college. One of the smartest people I have ever encountered (Maria-she's pretty famous in the Emerson College Lit World-trust me) said that in order to write you must read. Not that this is uncommon advice but she could tell me that aliens would come out of my skull and I would probably believe her.
Enough with my "brain storm" on writing. I feel like making a list so below, is a "Cast of Characters" who will probably be regulars in this blog:
Ken- My boyfriend (typical, maybe) but we live together so it's like family. (I hope that doesn't sound creepy)
Mary- Co-worker, friend, and Pisces. If I ever say something like "I don't really remember parts of Saturday night" chances are I was with her.
My Boss- I don't feel the need to mention him by name. Boss sums him up pretty well.
Britt- Dear friend and college roommate who moved to California. Very sad, but we talk online.
Jess- High school best friend. I actually see her once in a while now that I live only 2 hours away from home.
Holly-former co-worker, roommate, and current friend
Shannon- see above, minus roommate
Nina- Cat #1
Keira- Step-cat, Cat #2
Mom, Dad- Self explanatory
PS I plan to delete some of the super depressing/whiny enteries in the very near future. This blog needs a makeover!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I've been meaning to post this for a while
Grandma died 3 weeks ago. When a family such as my father's is closeted dysfunctional all of that dysfunction suddenly surfaces when there is some sort of crisis, like a family death. My grandfather, though he loved his wife, refused to have her embalmed because it was more expensive (please note: Grandad is not poor, he can afford it) so it was a closed casket. My father's youngest brother, who has had issues since the day he was born, took his mother's death very hard and did not come to the funeral. It was truly heartbreaking to see neighbors and friends ask my grandfather where Howard was. My father and his other brother in true awkward form kind of stood around at first when people started arriving, not thinking that maybe they should stand by the door with their father and greet people-this is even more important because grandad is losing his hearing and refuses to wear a hearing aid. Finally my mother dragged all three of them to the door and said, "Don't move, greet people, help your father."
Despite all of this weirdness, the strangest part for me was going through her things after the funeral. It definitely did not take the "few hours" my father promised. Grandma was a pack rat and still had magazines and newspapers from the 80's. She had drawers filled with buttons-Just in case! Empty pill bottles, at least 10 incomplete china sets, and even an unopened gift from HER wedding.
I took a two green salad plates, 4 multi colored ice cream bowls, a vintage purse, and the silver set. My mother said to me, "You know, it's really nice of us to let you have that." I'm not so sure what that means.
To add to the twilight zone feel, Ken was there. I was very grateful that he came with me and having his support felt really good. But when I looked in the living room and saw him there with my dad, my uncle, and grandad it dawned on me- this could be it. He could be family.
Despite all of this weirdness, the strangest part for me was going through her things after the funeral. It definitely did not take the "few hours" my father promised. Grandma was a pack rat and still had magazines and newspapers from the 80's. She had drawers filled with buttons-Just in case! Empty pill bottles, at least 10 incomplete china sets, and even an unopened gift from HER wedding.
I took a two green salad plates, 4 multi colored ice cream bowls, a vintage purse, and the silver set. My mother said to me, "You know, it's really nice of us to let you have that." I'm not so sure what that means.
To add to the twilight zone feel, Ken was there. I was very grateful that he came with me and having his support felt really good. But when I looked in the living room and saw him there with my dad, my uncle, and grandad it dawned on me- this could be it. He could be family.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Stress
It's a funny feeling to realize you're stressed when it should have been obvious from the start.
1. Grandma is dying-we're down to weeks.
2. I think I have to go to the dentist ( I hate hate HATE the dentist)
3. My neck has been knotted and in general pain for almost 2 weeks now.
4. We just moved.
5. I hate my job.
6. To top it all off I had a nice big blow out with Ken last night- everything is fine now though-thankfully.
So after I realized all of these things are stressing me out, I thought "Why keep it in?" I think this was probably one of the reason blogs were created in the first place.
The top two things on my stress liat are probably Grandma and my job. Grandma for obvious reasons- I keep checking my phone to see if I've missed a call from my dad- wondering if I will have to take time off of work, wondering if it will affect the Florida trip in two weeks. In a way I just wish the other shoe would drop already!
My job- I can't even begin to tell you how much better life would be if I didn't wake up during the week and just dread coming into work. I'm sure even people who generally love their job have days like this, but pretty much every day is like this for me. All I have to do is think about all the assholes I will deal with in one day, all the people who will obviously be thinking "God, this girl is stupid." And it's enough to make me just not show up. I dream about the day I will be able to quit. It makes me want to throw up when I think about the fact that I have to work for the next 40 years.
I'm going to get myself a smoothie and think about the best things in my life. Maybe I'll even make a list...
1. Grandma is dying-we're down to weeks.
2. I think I have to go to the dentist ( I hate hate HATE the dentist)
3. My neck has been knotted and in general pain for almost 2 weeks now.
4. We just moved.
5. I hate my job.
6. To top it all off I had a nice big blow out with Ken last night- everything is fine now though-thankfully.
So after I realized all of these things are stressing me out, I thought "Why keep it in?" I think this was probably one of the reason blogs were created in the first place.
The top two things on my stress liat are probably Grandma and my job. Grandma for obvious reasons- I keep checking my phone to see if I've missed a call from my dad- wondering if I will have to take time off of work, wondering if it will affect the Florida trip in two weeks. In a way I just wish the other shoe would drop already!
My job- I can't even begin to tell you how much better life would be if I didn't wake up during the week and just dread coming into work. I'm sure even people who generally love their job have days like this, but pretty much every day is like this for me. All I have to do is think about all the assholes I will deal with in one day, all the people who will obviously be thinking "God, this girl is stupid." And it's enough to make me just not show up. I dream about the day I will be able to quit. It makes me want to throw up when I think about the fact that I have to work for the next 40 years.
I'm going to get myself a smoothie and think about the best things in my life. Maybe I'll even make a list...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Not to be Typical But...
It is the second day of the new year and I've made some resolutions. Themost important one is to lose weight. I know that's pretty typical and usually people don't really stick to it but I will really try. At least I will be able to say I did something! It's unreal how much weight I've gained since college! It seems like everyone else I know lost weight after college. The cheese stands alone I guess!
Ken is trying with me and I'm slightly worried this will be more frustrating than helpful. Since living with him I've noticed that it's much easier for him to lose weight.
I hope that not drinking for a month plus regular working out will speed everything up a little.
It would be nice to go to Florida in March and not feel/look gross.
Ken is trying with me and I'm slightly worried this will be more frustrating than helpful. Since living with him I've noticed that it's much easier for him to lose weight.
I hope that not drinking for a month plus regular working out will speed everything up a little.
It would be nice to go to Florida in March and not feel/look gross.
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